I dont know how someone can feel so blessed and so depressed at the same time. I know I have an awesome family and God is so awesome. Yet all I want to do is cry and I feel empty and isolated is this a abnormal. I made a decisision years ago. It made a major impact on my life. I tell myself if I had my life to do over again I would do the same thing if it was what it took to get me to this point in my life having the relationship with God that I have now and my kids. But after realizing how selfish I was in my decisions I cant help but wonder if the kids suffer due to some of my decision. Example would be I am divorced. My ex is buying presents for a child of a family that are coming to visit him. He only knows this family through the internet.. He doesnt spend much time with our kids. He gave them each 25 dollars cash for Christmas. He has spent far more on the other child..... are the kids suffering due to the fact that I did not marry in Gods will or even a christian. I love my kids. I cant imagine life without them just typing that makes my heart ache. I know nothing can be done about the past yet I continue to be selfish.